Frak That! Ep. 74: ‘Mushroom Cloud’

Joe Wilcox asks self-defrocked Biblical scholar Randall Kennedy about Armageddon after Russia unveils its newest “planet-killing” nuclear missile, the Satan 2. “If it’s Putin, this is the man’s man. So if they’ve got something bigger. Longer. Maybe a little thicker than the American version, they’re going to show it off, Joe. They’re gonna hang that thing out there—just slap it in your face. Smack you around with it. ‘Hey, look, who’s the boss? Who’s your daddy?’”

Russia’s nuke is capable of destroying land the size of Texas, which Randall doesn’t see as all that bad an outcome. “Texas is an ugly state”, he says. Hello, Episode 74! Frak That! Ep. 74: ‘Mushroom Cloud’

Frak That! Ep. 73: ‘Mourning’

Randall Kennedy says Apple cofounder Steve Jobs is rolling over in his grave: “This Cook guy, he’s a moron. My God, he’s destroying my company—my legacy”. That for forgetting iPod’s 15th birthday on Oct. 23, 2016. Randall and Joe Wilcox mourn Apple’s appalling negligence and more!

Death of the Internet is yet something else about which to grieve, following the October 21st hack of webcams, baby cams, and other so-called Internet of Things devices that brought down major websites—Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr among them. Episode 73 is their epitaph. Frak That! Ep. 73: ‘Mourning’

Frak That! Ep. 72: ‘Clinton vs Trump’

Randall Kennedy and Joe Wilcox promise to discuss the third, and final, debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump at the start of Episode 72. But so disheartened are the two podcasters by the candidates, they banter on about other stuff for 20 minutes first. Like: Movies Brewster’s Millions and Looper; miniseries The Day After; TV shows Lethal Weapon and Timeless; cartoonist Scott Adams’ Periscope companion; Krispy Kreme’s crusty coffee; eating too much product at Pizza Hut; Hong Kong dreamin’; and attempted murder by falling glass panes.

Oh yeah, then there’s the debate.  Frak That! Ep. 72: ‘Clinton vs Trump’

Frak That! Ep. 71: ‘It’s About Time’

Joe Wilcox presents Randall Kennedy with a poser: Would you go back in time and kill baby Hitler? He offers thoughtful answer about the unintended consequences and what they could be. “World War II never happens. Then maybe the atomic bomb is never invented. Maybe nuclear power is never created, or it’s created by the Brits, or a different Germany, or the Russians do it and they dominate the world…Israel probably never would have been formed as a nation…You pull one thread, and you unravel so many others”.

Joe’s take is simpler: “You can’t go back in time to kill baby Hitler, because if he never existed you wouldn’t go back to kill him”.

Time is a unifying theme in Episode 71, whether or not traveling through it. Joe talks about time and money wasted by terrorists buying Galaxy Note 7 to use as “weapons of mass destruction”. What he calls the “ISIS Crisis” now that the potentially exploding phones are banned by major airlines.  Frak That! Ep. 71: ‘It’s About Time’

Frak That! Ep. 70: ‘Kool-Aid’

Randall Kennedy accuses Joe Wilcox of drinking Apple Kool-Aid; he doesn’t disagree. Wikipedia defines “Drinking the Kool-Aid” as “a figure of speech commonly used in North America that refers to any person or group who knowingly goes along with a doomed or dangerous idea because of peer pressure”.

The theme ties together other Episode 70 topics, such as Randall’s confession he would have saved more money buying products like iPad and iPhone rather than cheap alternatives. “I should just drink the Kool-Aid, like you do—chug the whole Gatorade pitcher down there but I don’t ”, Randall says.  Frak That! Ep. 70: ‘Kool-Aid’

Frak That! Ep. 69: ‘American Apocalypse’

Joe Wilcox would rather vote for alien subjugators than either presidential candidate—hence Episode 69 title “American Apocalypse” for one of our funniest podcasts to date. Joe starts the episode by stepping back from the political arena and going to the musical/cultural stage: DesertTrip music festival, or as he tells Randall Kennedy, “Geezerpalooza”. The two-weekend, Indio, Calif. event—headlined by Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, and The Who—is meant for the over-50 set. But many attendees, and the performers, are in their Seventies.

“There’s nothing worse than a mosh pit full of people with colostomy bags”, Randall interjects. “That’s got to be the most disgusting thought in the world”. He envisions a fleet of ambulances, with emergency doctors and heart surgeons onsite and on call.  Frak That! Ep. 69: ‘American Apocalypse’

Well, Frak Us!

Phew. Doesn’t this suck rotten tomatoes. One of those ripe, juicy-looking ones that fills your mouth with saliva. You pull it to your mouth in anticipation of something sweet, then spit out something so putrid, you wrench and puke up your spicy Chinese lunch. Oh, it burns coming up.

That’s how we’re feeling today after our webhost toasted our supposedly safe VPS server. Hey, we paid more for SSD storage because it was supposed to serve up delicious pages fast and be less susceptible to hard disk rot. But here we are, following the outage of Sept. 22, 2016, doing a reset.

In rotten tomatoes comes opportunity. We were thinking to make over Frak That! anyways and archive the older posts, which were nothing more than collections of our tweets. Mixing metaphors, we’ve got amnesia and can’t remember the past. We’re starting fresh, like a baby born adult.

Hallelujah, Praise be God of the Internet—whom we know these days to be Vladimir Putin. Just ask the Democratic National Committee or Hillary Clinton, who accuse Donald Trump of knelling before the Russian President’s altar and asking his blessing of the U.S. Presidency.

Mmm, thinking of the Lord, maybe we don’t have amnesia. My God, Shirley McLane was right. Frak That! is reincarnated. Someone hit that great big redo button on the server, and we were reborn.

But labor is a painful process. So watch our rebirth to unfold over a few weeks. If it takes too long for you, and surely it will for us, then Frak That!

Photo Credit: Laura Lewis

His Supporters are EVERYWHERE

Before the video appeared, The Donald thought #Reddit was a sound frogs make. #Trump2016

#SonyPictures is suing, saying scientists stole idea from a #JamesBond film. #DNAimaging

What a movie audition! #FastAndFurious producers signed the men in jail hours later.

#Snapdeal legal delaying strategy works! Student gets free obsolete #iphone.

New #Facebook commerce shop sure beats #Amazon. We’re getting a rocket launcher for 4th of July! #armsdealer

Scientists lack common sense, #Tinder users find. #OccamsRazer #ShootTheMessenger

Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore

Madonna Melts Down

You THINK? Only a vole wouldn’t be concerned. #MaterialGirl #BadParenting

Analysts say the law will make #newyork a safe haven. #TextingWhileWalking

Visiting occupied stalls costs more; tip patrons when exiting! @LondonLooTours

He was afraid of sex in the dark? #ThomasEdison lightbulb looks like a #condom.

Have you ever laughed at a dead baby joke? We couldn’t at this.  #SickButTrue

An #Uber driver wouldn’t be so forgiving, nor Robert De Niro. #BangBang #TaxiDriver

“Syrupy is Cuban for “frak you!” #FidelRants #TellUsWhatYouReallyThink #Cuba

#NoStringsAttached, we hope #Amazon “Thunderbirds A Go” goes nowhere. #MarionetteMayhem

Goodbye, America!

Today was very strange day for Achmed. Now I in America to work for H1-B Visa Company (“It’s everywhere I want to be”) and good friend “dude from Detroit name of Stan” invite Achmed to big rally for “next President of United States”. Achmed very excited to see big man at rally. Back in Waziristan, Achmed big man in village. Achmed village also have big rally, but there villagers rally for new beheadings at football stadium (always big, big crowd).

But now Achmed with good friend Stan at big President rally. Everyone very excited to see new big man President and hear about big plans to “Make America Great Again”. After much music and other speaker who not big man leave stage, Achmed see new big man come on stage and begin talk.

He not talk long because I, Achmed Tashnab, a pious man of faith, know this big man! It is “smoochy face” man with funny hair from Chat Roulette! People of big rally not know this and clap hands loudly for this big, bad man. But I not clap. I do what any good, pious man must do. I stand up and shout, “That NOT big man! That smoochy face! He make kissy-kissy noise and touch self on Achmed computer! He VERY bad man! VERY, VERY BAD!”

I keep yelling and pointing finger, but then big, burly men grab Achmed and wrestle to ground. Big, burly men all wearing nice suits and talking into shirt-cuffs (like Achmed uncle in Tora Bora he hear too many bombs fall and go crazy, too). I try explain how “smoochy face” was bad man from Achmed computer but they not listen. Instead, burly men take Achmed to small room with no window and ask many question. With each answer, burly men get more serious with Achmed.

They say they not like that Achmed from Waziristan. They say they not like that Achmed view big man on computer. And they say they not like that Achmed travel long way to America and come to big man rally. Then burly men take Achmed from small room without window and put on plane with some other dude from Egypt. Other dude want be pilot but said bad thing about “smooch face” man on the Face Book. So they send him home like Achmed.

Now I back in Waziristan. Family very happy see Achmed home from America (much dancing!). I email good friend “dude from Detroit name of Stan” and tell him story about burly men. I tell him I worried that H1-B Visa Company (“It’s everywhere I want to be”) will not give Achmed job again! But Stan say, “no worries good friend ‘Zuckerberg’ making sure everyone can work for H1-B Visa Company!”

So now Achmed wait and hope “smoochy face” not get be President and stop all good, pious Muslims (like Achmed!) from coming America in future. Meantime, Achmed have much extra time on hand.

Hmmm…wonder who is on Chat Roulette right now?

Peace be upon you,

Achmed Tashnab

Photo Credit: Joe Wilcox